Title: CASTIEL VERSUS THE INTERNET
Pairing: Castiel/Dean, Castiel/Dean/Pie
Warnings: This is crack.
Word Count: 750
Notes: A sequel to, Two Times Dean Thought He Told Sam About Cas, and the One Time He Didn’t. Meme snagged from willow_fae_20
Disclaimer: Not mine, just playing in another person's sandbox.
Summary: In which, Cas discovers the Internet, wins a bid on E-bay, and defeats the dreaded “meme” all while watching Dean sleep. Pie is once again involved.
As the events leading to the Apocalypse progressed, Castiel found himself spending more and more time with Dean Winchester. In his opinion, this was a very good thing.
Nevertheless, Dean was human and Castiel often found himself with time on his hands as Dean slept.
The eldest Winchester was aware of the angel’s predicament and suggested that he spend time becoming familiar with modern technology, “Especially computers and the internet, Cas. You can’t get around in the 21st Century without knowing about ‘em!”
“I have managed to exist for millennia upon millennia without this knowledge.”
“Sure, but you spent all of that time in Heaven and yesterday you tried to get the tape deck in the Impala to ---“
Castiel had the foresight to stop Dean before his rant gathered steam, “I see. Perhaps you have a point.”
Four completely destroyed laptops later, Castiel was able to use a computer and navigate the internet with some skill. He found that the World Wide Web was a useful tool for an angel interested in learning about humanity and considered recommending it to the Heavenly Choir as a pre-Earth tutorial.
Thus, as Dean slept, Castiel surfed the internet.
He often found himself reading questionnaires that people had filled out, interested in the various answers they would inspire and what would be revealed about the writer. Early on, he had tried to respond to one out but he had not had any experiences that would allow him to adequately answer the questions.
Eventually, though, time passed and Castiel became familiar with the human condition and felt that he had gained the skill and understanding needed to answer an internet “meme.”
Make a list of 5 things you can see without getting up:
 All four corners of the Earth.
 The Vessel’s jacket hanging off the bed post, next to Dean’s jeans.
 A few pie crumbs on Dean’s stomach.
 The Celestial Plane.
 My handprint on Dean’s hip.
How do you style your hair?
I do not. I will it to remain in place.
What are you wearing now?
What is your occupation?
I am an Angel of the Lord; my mission is to help Dean Winchester avert the Apocalypse. Sam Winchester tells me I am a pie deliveryman.
Do you nap a lot?
I do not need to sleep, but I find it enjoyable to rest with Dean.
Who was the last person you hugged?
I have never hugged anyone.
What’s your current obsession/addiction?
What’s the last thing you ate today?
What was the last text message you received?
I am no longer allowed near Dean’s cellular phone after the incident with the tape deck.
What website do you always visit when you go online?
What was the last thing you bought?
I out-bid birthdaypartygurrl666 and bbyizgod on E-bay for a new set of blessed silver knives that I intend to present to Dean on his birthday.
What is the last CD you bought?
Compact Discs are the Devil's work, Dean has told me so on many occasions. I would never buy one and I am considering whether or not I should smite the few that Sam hides in his bag.
What are you listening to right now?
What was the last thing you thought about before you went to bed?
That I would like to mark Dean with another handprint.
What is your favorite type of weather and why?
I enjoy sunny days. The sun was shining brightly on the day that Dean Winchester was saved.
Ideally, where would your next vacation be?
I have promised to go with Dean to the Grand Canyon after we stop Lucifer.
How are you?
I am content.
What’s something you’d like to say to someone right now?
I love you.
Castiel was pleased with his first successful attempt at answering a “meme.” Perhaps he would show it to Dean once he awoke, but first he intended to lick the remaining pie crumbs from his beloved’s stomach.
THE END (for now)